First week of clinicals (Blog #2)

Scared. Nervous. Anxious. Stressed.

These words come to mind as I think about how I was feeling Thursday morning before I met with my clinical group. I allowed myself to sink into a feeling of incompetence as I considered all of the "skills" I had learned in lab the past month, and the realization that I had to actually put these into practice. No matter whom I talked to, the feeling of utter confusion and helplessness did not fade as I drove to Emerald Heights. Despite the fact that we missed the entrance and circled the facility three times looking for a parking spot, finally having to stop at the security gate for assistance, we still made it twenty minutes early. Twenty minutes is a lot of time to think and fret. I am pretty good at fretting.

After a brief orientation we set off with our 20 lb. charts to our prospective corners to record and record. My first day consisted mostly of meeting the staff and familiarizing myself with procedures, charting, and the facility. It was a little hectic and a little disorganized but my clinical instructor is great and incredibly approachable, which makes this whole process a little easier. We went home a little early and I spent the rest of the night learning medications. Lots of fun.

I prayed before I drove to clinicals today that God would give me His eyes to SEE my resident. I desperately want to make a difference in his life and in the lives of the other residents. They are thirsty for love. You can tell by looking at them, the way they follow you with their eyes, and how they smile at you, even if they have no idea what you are talking about. These are PEOPLE who need love. They are not crazy. They are not stupid. They are not mean (well, most of them aren't, and the ones who are have needs that go deeper). I can tell the difference that a lasting smile and wink leaves on them. Their faces light up. Is it really that hard to provide that sort of care and love all the time? When it can make such a difference?

Well, now that I've gone off on a tangent, let me return to my narrative.

I learned a lot about my resident yesterday from his chart, but it wasn't until today that I actually met him. I was slightly nervous about meeting my resident, mostly because he is a HE. Turns out, he is an incredibly intelligent man who likes to talk after being encouraged and has a great sense of humor. He has a lot of health problems but thankfully none that inhibit his mind. We spent a lot of time talking, getting to know each other. We have a date in the library next week and I can't wait.

This is what I love. This is what I need.

I need to help people and show them God's love. That doesn't mean I need to say, "I give you this pill in the name of Jesus," but if I start my shift with the prayer of: "Everything I do, I do for YOU Lord, whether it be passing meds, or feeding residents. Let me be your hands and feet. Give me your eyes so I can see the pain and fear in their eyes, and the need for love in their hearts."

What other purpose do I have than to comfort the little old lady who couldn't remember how to feed herself and needed to hold my hand? Is there some other point I need to grasp other than that she needed me to be there? Tears came to my eyes as she begged me not to leave her. I gave her a brilliant smile when she said she loved me. This is going to be harder than I thought.

All that to say, the second day went extremely well. Feelings of incompetence and helplessness fade as I contemplate the day's work of all the residents I was able to make laugh when I told a joke or smile when I walked by.

And the best part of it is, I get to do it all over again next week.

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'" Matthew 25:40